1. It’s “dead week” here at Haus des Evis (almost looks like Elvis’ house, huh? It’s not. It’s PROPER German!) and you would be able to tell that by my spotless kitchen, very neat desk, cleaned off coffee table, and sparkling toilet.

2. Speaking of toilets, I cleaned mine tonight because every time that I saw it, I thought of Mommy Is Moody. It’s really hard to pee without giggling when you realize that something you frequently show your ass to makes you think of a close friend.

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CONFESSION:  I use “monster repellant.”

I’m sure you can guess how this happened.

My three-year-old comes out of bedroom for the third time saying, “Mommy, there’s a monster in my room.”  What did I do?

MAMA:  Do you remember putting on mosquito repellant this summer?

BABYGIRL: Sure, Mommy.  So squitoes won’t bite me.

MAMA:  (Whips out bottle of Febreze) Do you know what this is?

BABYGIRL: (excitedly) No, Mama, what?  What is it?

MAMA: It’s Monster Repellant!  It makes the monsters stay away.  Let’s go spray your bedroom so no monsters can come in.

Now we are in Baby Girl’s bedroom

BABYGIRL: Get the closet Mommy . . . Monster’s like the closet!

MAMA:  Ok, sweetie.  And under the bed too!

BABYGIRL:  Hey, that smells good!  Why are you putting monster pellant on my curtains????  Monsters don’t hide in curtains????

That’s what you call multi-tasking!  All monsters are gone and Baby Girl’s room smells like a fresh spring rain!  Now I just need to go and monster-proof/Febreze my living room, master bedroom and all the other areas of my home!

Spring is almost here, and I’m gearing up to perform my semi-annual house purge. This year I am more convicted than ever that I simply have too much stuff. So, in compliance with my New Year’s resolution, I’m going to turn my house upside down and rid myself of that which is unnecessary for daily life and edification. To help me do it, I will be enlisting the help of this product:

Biokleen’s Bac-Out. It is literally the best, most multi-purpose cleaner I’ve ever used. It will get the stain, smell, or germs out of anything without using harsh chemicals. It’s power-source comes from enzymes which eat through grease and odors. YESSSSSSS. You can even throw some in with your laundry … I do it sometimes when I wash dish rags and towels. Just don’t use it on glass … for some reason that hasn’t worked too well for me. I use a mixture of vinegar and hot water and wash my windows down with newspaper (it sounds weird, but it works!).

I can’t wait to air out my lighter clothes and pack away my heavy sweaters (after donating all of the ones I’ve not been wearing to Teen Challenge). And I’m really looking forward to washing all the drapes in the house. I’m planning to buy, or more likely build, a clothes line soon (we have a small one in the laundry room already for dedicates) and it will be wonderful to have line-dried linens in the house. They just smell like sunshine.

Another exciting thing about spring: we recently cleared off a large section of our wrap-around porch, and I plan to fill some of that newly emptied space with containers for vegetables. Probably a couple different varieties of tomatoes and some herbs to start, but hopefully some bib lettuce, cucumbers, and squash as well. The soil in my area is primarily clay, plus our property is fringed with trees (and therefore birds and rabbits) so having a proper garden isn’t likely to be a successful venture.

I think I’m also going to see if I can find a used croquet set as well. Hmm. I love spring.